Life Recap: God is Still Faithful.

Well, it's that time again :) 

A friend of mine from Calvary reminded me today that it was high time to write another entry on this blog! If only I blogged as much as I journaled.... Oh wait. Nobody would care to read that much about Stephanie. Trust me. It's probably a good thing I don't get on here too often ;)

So, life update: It's now 2013!! I have officially finished my first semester of "real" college, and I can honestly say I loved every single moment of it. It amazes me just how GOOD God is to me! He has brought me to the closest place on earth to heaven, complete with the truest and most genuine friends. I have 150 new family members- even if I did just meet them four months ago, they have become brothers and sisters to me (and a couple "moms" and "grandmas" too (; ). 

Looking back to where I was a year ago (quick recap: frantically visiting all the universities within an hour of my house, completely unsure of the future as a whole, but leaning towards an education degree at a secular university), all I can see is God's faithfulness. A year ago today, God burdened my heart to go to a Bible College. In His perfect sovereign plan, He used a friend of mine to light the fire in my heart and remind me that God has called me to live my life completely for Him. I do feel called to full-time ministry, but somehow that got foggy in my mind. Praise the Lord that He got a hold of my heart again and brought me exactly where I needed to be.

Following God's leading was the number one reason for choosing Calvary, but besides that, I loved Calvary because it was close to home and because it offered a degree in Elementary Education. Funny how God works, because through my first semester those two reasons became mostly irrelevant! Being close to home, while an awesome joy to be near family and stay connected in my home church, was actually the hardest part of adjustment. Learning how to balance living a completely new life in a new setting, AND still trying to maintain the life and friendships that I have known my whole life proved to be hard, but not impossible. More importantly, I had to learn to give all of me, regardless of where I was, and not give into the temptation of self-pity. 

Similarly, God changed my heart yet again and reminded me that my life has been set apart for Him and His service. About half-way through the semester, I sensed God's leading in my life away from education. There were a number of factors that went into it, but the bottom line came down to the fact that ministry for me is not a "side job." It's my life. And while there are plenty of opportunities to minister being a teacher, that's not the area I feel called to. God placed it on my heart to switch majors in order to be fully devoted to the kind of ministry He has called me to. So I am overflowing with joy to be a Biblical Counseling major now, ready to learn how to better use the Truth of God's Word to impact others for Christ. That really is my heart's desire and life goal- and I get to study it in college for the next five semesters!

God is so faithful to me, and that fact alone challenges me everyday to remain faithful to Him. Relationships are always two-way, and I often do not fulfill my part. My prayer for this upcoming semester and year is that I would earnestly seek God with my whole heart and that everyday I would wake up, ready to kill the flesh with it's pride and complacency, and truly live out the life to a committed follower of Christ. 

Time to Start

It is time to stop living comfortably. 
It is time to start living intentionally.

It is time to stop doing the minimum to get by.
It is time to start maximizing what little time I have.

It is time to stop taking the easy way out.
It is time to start stepping outside my comfort zone and serve.

It is time to stop wasting my life.
It is time to start making an eternal impact.


As I am adjusting to life at Calvary, I have found myself slipping back into an apathetic lifestyle. I've found my groove here; my comfort zone has been established. I love the life I'm living.

Yet something is missing.

"Do not be slothful in zeal; be fervent in Spirit; serve the Lord." [Romans 12:11]

Three short commands. One unified topic. Passionately serving our God. 

To me, I see a direct correlation between service and passion. When we are passionate about God, we will serve Him. When we serve God, it shows and grow our passion for Him. This is what is lacking in my life right now. I've figured out how to serve just enough to feel good about myself. But that's definitely not the life that I as a Christian and committed follower of Christ have been called too. Following Christ requires passion.  

So what does this service look like? For me, it's personal interaction with others. It's relationships that glorify God in every part, all the time. It's a heart of genuine, not-hypocritical love, a brotherly affection that delights in outdoing others in honor. It's a life that is presented to God as a holy and acceptable sacrifice. 

Ultimately, Paul says it best. "But I do not account my life as any value, nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." [Acts 20:24]

This is the heart I want to have. Thought it's incredibly hard, it's incredibly worth it. I will fight for this. Praise the Lord for the grace given to be convicted, be led by the Spirit, be changed. It's only because of Him that any life is in me at all. To God be the glory!

Sufficient Grace

God has been teaching me a lot about His grace recently, and I knew He had something wonderful in store for me today when I woke up to a text of a Bible verse, reading:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I decided to study out these verses for my devotions this morning, as this has always been a favorite passage of scripture and always a great reminder that feeling weak and empty isn't always a bad thing. When we focus on Christ and His strength in the midst of our weakness, I believe that's the best place to be! I'd even go as far as saying it's my favorite place to be.

But anyways, as I was studying these verses, I read Matthew Henry's commentary on them. I love the way he explains them and talks about them, so here it is below (I bolded a couple parts that were really significant to me.) Please read and marvel on the wonders of His grace!

"We have an account of the answer given to the apostle’s prayer, that, although the trouble was not removed, yet an equivalent should be granted: My grace is sufficient for thee. 

Note, (1.) Though God accepts the prayer of faith, yet he does not always answer it in the letter; as he sometimes grants in wrath, so he sometimes denies in love. (2.) When God does not remove our troubles and temptations, yet, if he gives us grace sufficient for us, we have no reason to complain, nor to say that he deals ill by us. It is a great comfort to us, whatever thorns in the flesh we are pained with, that God’s grace is sufficient for us. 

Grace signifies two things:—[1.] The good-will of God towards us, and this is enough to enlighten and enliven us, sufficient to strengthen and comfort us, to support our souls and cheer up our spirits, in all afflictions and distresses. [2.] The good work of God in us, the grace we receive from the fullness that is in Christ our head; and from him there shall be communicated that which is suitable and seasonable, and sufficient for his members. Christ Jesus understands our case, and knows our need, and will proportion the remedy to our malady, and not only strengthen us, but glorify himself. 

His strength is made perfect in our weakness. Thus his grace is manifested and magnified; he ordains his praise out of the mouths of babes and sucklings.

III. Here is the use which the apostle makes of this dispensation: He gloried in his infirmities (2 Cor. 12:9), and took pleasure in them, 2 Cor. 12:10. He does not mean his sinful infirmities (those we have reason to be ashamed of and grieved at), but he means his afflictions, his reproaches, necessities, persecutions, and distresses for Christ’s sake, 2 Cor. 12:10. And the reason of his glory and joy on account of these things was this—they were fair opportunities for Christ to manifest the power and sufficiency of his grace resting upon him, by which he had so much experience of the strength of divine grace that he could say, When I am weak, then am I strong. This is a Christian paradox: when we are weak in ourselves, then we are strong in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ; when we see ourselves weak in ourselves, then we go out of ourselves to Christ, and are qualified to receive strength from him, and experience most of the supplies of divine strength and grace."

Savior Please

Well, this song is pretty self explanatory as to how I have been feeling as of late. At the beginning of last week I prayed and asked God to stir me up spiritually, awaken my tired eyes again, and give me a renewed passion for himself and for holiness. 


After a long and hard semester, I had grown accustomed to running endlessly, working through the pain, and just trying to get through time as quickly as I could. Once break started though, God began to show me that eventually, my strength will fail. Eventually all that I have trusted in with fall through. All that I have depended on will be gone. Only HE is faithful to the end, only his strength will never fail. 


I think that if I just work hard enough, I can make it through anything. "You're strong enough," I tell myself everyday. But what a lie have been preaching myself. It is only by God's faithful hand that I am able to accomplish anything- even down to the littlest detail, like breathing. 


"For by him all things were created in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him." (Colossians 1:16)


I've tried to be so tough, but by God's grace I am realizing that none of my efforts are worthwhile. I don't need to be tough- God's ever present strength is guiding me every step of the way. 


Anyways, if you are reading this I would appreciate prayer and accountability. Pray that I would trust and depend on God's strength and ask me how I'm doing when you see me, if you don't mind. Watch the video and be inspired by God's pure and simple wonderfulness like I am :) 


Savior Please

Life Is Good

Deep breath. In.... out. Phew. I made it. 


The past two weeks of my life could be described as hectic, crazy, busy, stressful, scary, emotional, and all around insane. I feel like David facing Goliath- me, such a small insignificant person out to conquer a huge problem that seems impossible. I could bore you with all the details that made these past weeks so crazy, but instead I'll just tell you a few of the many things that have happened:


-3 tests and a speech all in one week
-increased hours at work (twice as much as I normally work)
-homework and studying till 2 or 3 am every night
-three dear friends of mine going to the ER all in one week


I feel like I've been running a marathon. Life and it's business just never seems to end. Being gone from home for 12 straight hours a day is beginning to take it's toll on me. I feel tired, I have no energy, I'm emotionally drained. 


Now some may see this and think "Wow, she's at a really low point in life right now." And honestly, if it weren't for God, that statement would be absolutely 100% true. BUT, the wonderful thing is, it's not. In fact, it's the exact opposite. 


Looking at my circumstances, the world tells me  I "should" be feeling sorry for myself. I "deserve" some me-time. I "should" have a good cry and break down. 


A few weeks ago, I realized just how much I let my circumstances rule my emotions. If I didn't get enough sleep, I was grumpy. If I had a test, I was stressed. If I had a hard day at work, I was depressed. 


The Truth of the matter, though, is that God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. My stance before Him doesn't change either- he has already forgiven me, and loves me no matter what. That fact alone should rule my emotions! My joy is found in the hope of Christ. The hope that this life is temporal and that I have an eternity in paradise to look forward to. My joy is found from remembering all that God has done for me. Remembering that Jesus DIED for me so that I could live. So am I going to live a life of anger, grumpiness and stress? Absolutely NOT!

Because of God and God alone, I have a ridiculous amount of joy and peace and hope that I just can't explain. The "peace that passes all understanding" is with me. "In [His] presence there is fullness of joy"(Psalm 16:11). "the God of hope [has filled me] with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit [I] may abound in hope" (Romans 15:13). "In all [my] affliction, I am overflowing with joy" (2 Corinthians 7:4).  "Though [I] have not seen him, [I] love him. Though [I] do not now see him, [I] believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory" (1 Peter 1:8)

I have so many blessings that I am just completely overwhelmed with thankfulness for. I have the most incredible friends in the entire world. I have a church that preaches the Word of God every Sunday and gives me so many opportunities to minister. And best of all, I have salvation. I have a relationship with the Creator of the Universe. Can it possibly get any better than that? I submit that it cannot.


So all that to say, the "worst" two weeks of my life thus far are actually the best two weeks I have ever had. I've never been closer to God; He is growing me closer to Him, and even though it's painful, it's so beautiful at the same time. God is worthy of my all, and I give my all to Him. 

Digger Deeper into Holiness

So since my last post, I have continued reading in the book of Leviticus about God and his holiness, and how I am supposed to be holy. Throughout my time in the Word, I kept finding myself searching for practical ways to be holy or to make myself holy. I was a little confused, because I was reading from the book of Leviticus, and the Israelites followed the Law that God gave them. I on the other hand, am not under the law, but under grace (Romans 6:14). So I was a bit confused as to which commands I was supposed to follow to be holy like God.

But then the thought struck me. Am I holy by my own merit? Surely not! Like I mentioned before, I am weighed down with just how unholy I am, how often I fail, and my daily, hourly struggles with sin. So the idea of ME having to be holy by myself is completely out of the picture. There is NO way that will ever happen.

So how can we be holy as Christians? There is no magic formula, no list of do's and don't's that we can follow to become holy as God is holy. We stand holy and righteous before God because, and ONLY because of Christ. My righteous deeds are like a filthy garment to God! (Isaiah 64:6) He doesn't want them or need them. His righteousness and holiness was imputed to us when we were born again through His saving work on the cross. Jesus is my propitiation, my sacrifice. Just like the Israelites had to offer sacrifices to pay for their sins, Jesus became MY sacrifice, and took care of ALL sins, past, present, future, big, and small.(1 John 4:10) God looks at me, and just sees Jesus' blood covering me. It is so comforting to know that I have absolutely NOTHING to do with my stance before God. It is all God's work, and I am so blessed to be called his daughter! What an amazing God I serve!

Getting to Know my Heavenly Father

I was encouraged and challenged last night in youth service at my church in a big way. Recently, I've been struggling with the question, "What is is the balance between being content wherever God has me spiritually, and always seeking to grow, grow, grow to be more like Him." I feel like I need to be both content, but yet not content at the same time. But an encouraging thought I heard last night was, "just get to know your God." And I intend to do so.

So I have set off on yet another journey and I am so excited to see where God leads me on this one. I don't know what to expect, except that I know God will change me, and He will be glorified. So as I uncover a new aspect about God, I will try and post something, even if it's short and sweet, about what I'm learning.

SO. Today. Leviticus 19:1-2, 

And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, "Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them, You shall be holy, for I the LORD your God am holy... Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep my Sabbaths: I am the LORD your God.  Do not turn to idols or make for yourselves any gods of cast metal: I am the LORD your God. When you offer a sacrifice of peace offerings to the LORD, you shall offer it so that you may be accepted."

I learned today that God is HOLY. I also learned that I am to be holy because He is Holy. Everything I do should be done with holiness, because God is holy and He demands holiness from His children. God can't be around unholiness. He is the LORD MY GOD- and I am an unholy creature. 

I never really thought about pursuing holiness in everyday things, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. Before, 'holiness' made me think of nuns and monks vowing silence and doing charitable acts of kindness to the orphans. But holiness is so much more than that! Seeking to be holy is seeking to be like God. God is the very definition of Holy! Actually, God is Holy, Holy, Holy! He needs three "holy's" that symbolized perfectly holy holiness to describe Him!

God is so holy, and I am so unholy. I do so many selfish things, think so many wrong thoughts, and say so many irreverent things. So today, my mind is weighed down with my unholiness, but it is also renewed with the glorious Truth that God is perfectly Holy, and He desires to make me like Him.

"For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." Romans 8:29

"and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator." Colossians 3:10

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

 "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!" Isaiah 6:3

How I Want to Die

I want to die like Steven. A martyrs' death.

What a glorious death! Proclaiming the name of the LORD!

He was calm, at peace and had "the face of an angel" (Acts 6:15). He reflected the presence of God as he was being falsely accused and tried for blasphemy.

Right before he died, he retold the story of God's faithfulness to Israel through the Old Testament (Acts 7:1-53)- something he very well might have known would cause his death. Yet he was fearless, he was calm. He reflected Christ.

He was full of the Spirit and looked to heaven and literally saw the Glory of God and Jesus standing at the right hand of God (Acts 7:55-56)- what an AMAZING hope and blessing God gave to Steven! This made Steven's undeserved death worth it.

As Steven was dying, he called out to God, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit!" (Acts 7:59). Steven fell to knees and loudly cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." And with that, he breathed his last (Acts 7:60). The very last thing Steven said while on this earth was for God to forgive his killers- exactly what Jesus did as He hung on the cross.

Steven is such an inspiration to me. During his last moments here on earth, he quietly lifted his eyes to Jesus and did not let his gaze stray. Jesus was worth it for Steven. Is He worth it for you? He is worth it for me. My hope and prayer is that I would die a graceful death like Steven, proclaiming Jesus till the very last. I want my death to be an avenue for God to bring Himself so much glory.

He is Worthy!

The Faithfulness of My Good God

Do you know who is SO good?

Yep.

GOD IS SOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really blows my mind how faithful God is to His children. He has shown and proved His faithfulness to me this past week in many ways.

The first big way that God showed His faithfulness was twofold, both having to do with the Ministry of Jr. Camp. No, I was not serving at Jr. Camp physically, but God gave me the opportunity to still be involved in that ministry here at home. It felt like He was telling me to be faithful to do the behind-the-scenes kind of ministry, aka being a faithful prayer warrior and a joyful encourager. Depending on my mood, I was excited, discontent, passionate and questioning about doing those things back at home. But through some godly counsel from a sweet girl facing the same situation and feeling the same emotions as me, I was able to see that those who are faithful in the seemingly little, persevering and 'not seen' ministry, are ones who are truly faithful to God. It's easier to serve God in 'big ways', like being a counselor or leading some big ministry. Don't get me wrong, those opportunities are still wonderful, but my point is that the 'little ways' are too. Anything that glorifies God is worth doing.

So what does this have to do with God's faithfulness, you may ask? Well, through God's strength and grace, I was able to be a consistent prayer warrior for the campers, counselors, and staff at Jr. Camp every day. God BLESSED me with many answers to prayer that I did not expect. I prayed for pretty general things for most of the people, that they would keep their focus on God and be a real servant etc. But more than once, during a conversation with one of my counselor friends about their week, they told me what God was teaching them, and it would be exactly what I had prayed for them specifically. Now that was not, COULD NOT have been my doing. This points to a sovereign God.

Similarly, God gave me and four other girls the opportunity to write letters to the counselors, and a second opportunity to write to the campers and staff as a youth group. Once again, many people who were at Jr. Camp came up to me and told me that God had used a letter I had written to them as an encouragement to them. This also points directly to my awesome God. In years past when I had written letters to those at Jr. Camp, no one said a word to me about them, which is totally fine. But this year, God BLESSED me. I didn't need or want to be thanked. But what a joy it is to know that my efforts to glorify God have not returned void!

Secondly, God has blessed me with amazing friends. A few weeks back, God taught me that I needed to be the kind of friend that I wanted to have. So I began to make a conscience effort to love on, appreciate, encourage, and sharpen my friends in the way that I would want to be treated. At first, it felt a little hopeless, like I was doing all this for others and not getting anything in return- and once again that's totally fine, I don't NEED that, its an extra want- but God still chose to bless me with wonderful, crazy amazing friends who have made all my efforts worth it. Sometimes I take for granted my friends, but God is really showing me that these people are precious blessings from Him that I don't deserve. God has proved faithful again!

And best of all, God has proven His faithfulness to me over a long span of time- 6 whole years of wanting something and not getting it. For those six years I was discontent with God's plan, up until this year, praise God. This year He gave me a contentment for where I was at and an acceptance of the stage of life I'm in now. I truly believe God blesses His faithful servants, because now, He has rewarded me with the very thing I longed for those many, many years. Right after I became content without it, of course. ;)

All in all, I see God's faithfulness the same way in both of theses situations. 1 Samuel 26:23 says, "The LORD rewards every man for his righteousness and his faithfulness." God planted in me the desire to serve others this week. He then gave me the strength and ability to carry out that desire. And now He is rewarding His servant with amazing blessings of joy and contentment that are perfectly indescribable and overwhelming. Not to point to the faithfulness of the servant, but of the Master. We servants have just obeyed the Master- He is the one worthy of all praise. Praise Him for HE IS GOOD!

"Praise Him for His mighty acts! Praise Him for His excellent greatness!"

I just want to praise God today because He gave me victory over sin. Halleluiah and praise be to my faithful God who continues to change this sinful heart!

A Humbling Day

I love how God works. He is faithful to teach me a lesson "the easy way", and then, I always have to learn it "the hard way" too, unfortunately. Sometimes I wish I could just learn something "the easy way", but I don't think I can... I must learn from experience, it seems.

So I am entitling my day yesterday "The Humbling Day." It seems every way I turned, my pride was brought low and I was broken. I am so thankful though, because it proved God's faithfulness to answer prayer. I had prayed the day before to be humbled, on account of studying humility in Bible Study, and boy did God come through on that one.

I will spare you the details of everything that happened in my day (but I will say that it included spilling the entire bucket of dirty mop water all over the carpet at work) but as I said early, it felt like everything I did that day fired back at me and broke me of my pride. From seemingly small issues like spilling the mop water, to big areas of sin being revealed in my life through good friends and good talks over Hawaiian tea, I was humbled.

The most radical thing I can draw from this experience, though, is that I am HAPPY to be humbled like this. I am thankful to God ALONE that I was able to respond to this humbling with a thankful and joyful attitude, genuinely happy to go through it. Now I know FOR SURE that that response did not come from me. That was God, plain and simple.

POWER

This past weekend, I trekked down to Fontanaland with 27 fellow Jr.'s and Sr.'s for our youth groups annual Leadership Retreat. Last year, God really impacted and changed my life at the Leadership Retreat, and I was eagerly awaiting to see how God would work in my life this year too. I figured I would be challenged about how I need to be a better leader in our youth group etc... but He taught me something totally different and wonderful that I definitely needed to learn, something I needed to get right with God before I could be a leader. (And on a side note, God DID teach me a whole lot about leadership too, and showed me a lot of areas of apathy in my life that I need to change. but for now, I'm going to stick to the main thing God taught me during the weekend).

During the first session of the retreat, Eric Knott mentioned the Power of the Holy Spirit. He gave an illustration about a farmer who has a huge field to plow. Now, the farmer has a big tractor sitting out by the field, but he just walks past it with his hoe and starts plowing away by hand. Seems stupid right? He has this amazing tool right in front of him that would make his work so much easier if he just would use it.

I identified with that farmer. Actually, I AM that farmer. The tractor symbolizes the power of the Holy Spirit- a special Helper that God has given me that i ignore most of the time. I have the very power of GOD living in me that I ignore.

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.

Acts 1:8

Because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction. You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake.

1 Thess 1:5

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

1 Timothy 1:7

How many times have I questioned God, asking Him why I feel so dead spiritually, why I feel like I have no joy, no love, no kindness, no patience? I say, "God, I am doing everything right! And I still feel so far away from You!" In reality, I was doing what was right for the right reason. But I began to believe some lies. I began to have doubts. I doubted that I could live a life that pleases God. I started to think that I could never glorify God or be pleasing in His sight.

I also started to believe that the current state of life I was at, which could be characterized by words like 'comfortable,' 'apathetic,' or 'mediocre,' was acceptable, the new 'norm' for this stage of life. I basically gave up on the idea of living in a passionate pursuit of God, a life of reckless abandon.

Those thoughts are lies. And now, praise be to God, I know how to combat them. I have the very power of God living inside of me, and I just need to tap into it. I just need to get into the tractor and use it. I just need to stand up and start running up the hill as fast as I can towards Christ. Even if all my friends are dragging their feet up the hill, I have to run.

Obviously I can't run up that hill as fast as I can for the rest of my life on my own strength. Believe me, my strength will run out pretty fast. In fact, it already ran out. But the glorious truth is that I have GOD'S strength and power living in me at this very moment. All the power I could ever dream of and MORE is accessible to me 24/7.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow, praise Him all creatures here below, praise Him above ye heavenly hosts, praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.

James 4:13-15

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." ~ James 4:13-15, ESV

While reading the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, which if you haven't read I strongly encourage you to do so immediately, I came across these verses. Thy fit in so perfectly with what God is teaching me right now, I couldn't help but share them. My life is a vapor and I don't get to decide and make plans for myself. God is completely sovereign over every single area and detail of my life, and He chooses what I do everyday. His plan is perfect. If the Lord wills, I will live. What a thought to think that even my very next breath is sustained by my almighty God.

Surrender

So it's time again for another post : )

I am so happy and thankful that now I can write about how my life is full of joy, how God is working in my life, and my awesome God whom I absolutely love to serve is. A few months ago, this wasn't the case. God has really brought me through a long and hard journey this past year, and I have learned so much. But now, after coming out the other side and looking back, all I can do is praise God for His mighty works.

I am sitting here in my room trying to decide what to write about. My time in Bible study has been so profitable this past week, that there is way too much to write about just in one post. My week has also been full of special "girl time" with my friends, where we are able to get together over coffee and talk about what God is doing in our lives.

But if I were to summarize all the things God is teaching me through his Word directly, and through my friends, I would say it all comes down to one word: surrender.

Specifically in my life, I have to surrender my plans, like I have written about in my last few posts. I finally realized that my specific plans for ministry don't have to come true. That's God's decision alone. And I need to be so happy and thankful for the fact that I am even able to do ministry, that I am SAVED by GRACE, that I am content to serve wherever, however God needs me too. And I can say now, with a heart thankful to God alone for doing this, that I am letting go.

Isn't it weird how freeing it feels to completely surrender everything in your life? I feel like I have absolutely nothing but Christ. Which happens to be the BEST feeling in the world.

Joy

You know what I just realized?

True joy comes when you walk in the Will of God and have a right relationship with Him.

No, I'm not perfect, and yes, I will always struggle with sin on this earth. But God sees me as righteous because of Christ's atoning sacrifice, and because of that, I can be right with Him.

So when I finally surrendered it all back to God, when I finally accepted His plan as best, when I was finally at peace with my circumstances, I found myself joyful. While washing the dishes. Without being asked. WHAT?

With contented joy, comes selfless love. Why have I not lived like this my entire life?

I can't do everything, but i can refuse to do nothing.

True Contentment, True Ministry

Today I realized something that I think (and hope) will change my life from now on.

First of all, I am convinced that worship night tonight was put on for me. Somehow Justin and Kalena picked songs that hit me, convicted me, brought me to a reverent awe and fear of the Lord, and gave me endless and overwhelming joy all at the same time. Now obviously I know it was really Justin and Kalena who picked those songs for me, but God who orchestrated it all.

It was during worship that God revealed to me this life changing thought: True contentment isn't ministering in the "glamourous" ways that I want and finding my satisfaction from the praise of men. True contentment is ministering however God wants, even when it's behind the scenes, even when I will never get praise, even when I want so badly to minister in other ways, but can't.

It's no lie to say that I have certain "dreams" for ministry. I have an idea of the things I would love to do, and it's funny, all of those dreams have me in the front, doing to "fun" ministry jobs, the ones that make ME look spiritual and mature. Now nothing is wrong with doing those kinds of ministry, but what I realized is that I don't always have to be in the front. I don't always get to do what I think is best for me. I need to learn to trust God to provide me with the best ways to minister.

Maybe I'm not supposed to be in front, leading and organizing. Maybe I'm called to mop the floors and wash dishes after a ministry function. Maybe I'm supposed to minister by encouraging those teens that don't have as many friends and don't talk much. Maybe I need to be ok with giving up those dreams that I've held onto for so many years.

I've had a dream for five years now to be involved in a certain ministry, and I haven't had the opportunity to be involved yet. Maybe I need to let go of my dreams, and embrace the plans that my sovereign God has had for me since the beginning of time. Maybe I need to stop wasting my time chasing after selfish ambitions, take some time to seek God's plan for me by searching the Word and spending time talking to Him.

So whoever is reading this, I would appreciate prayer. It's always hard to give up your dreams, believe me, I know. But it's so necessary. God deserves my all, my everything.

I intend to surrender it all to Him.

Wow.

God,

Thank you for being who You are.
Thank you for loving me, even though I fail you so many times.
Thank you for saving me from my wretched state.
Thank you for loving me enough to chasten me.
Thank you for being such a faithful God.

I fall on my face before you, in silent AWE.
You are so good to me.
I don't deserve You in any way.
Thank You.

God, help me to live for You.

What a Love

Hey! You see that little box on the right side that says "archives"? Well, you can see there that I've already posted 4 times in the first 3 months of this year, compared to the 6 times I posted in the entirety of last year. I think I'm making progress in this whole blogging thing : )

But anyway, onto the important stuff. Tonight in Bible Institute class, and JD mentioned a passage in Romans 9 where Paul made a very startling statement:

^3"For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh." (ESV)

and I also like the way the NLT puts it; it's a very clear point:

³ "for my people, my Jewish brothers and sisters. I would be willing to be forever cursed—cut off from Christ!—if that would save them." (NLT)

So basically, Paul is saying that he is willing to be cast of from Christ- to go to HELL- if it meant that his friends would go to heaven.

Wow.

I honestly could not say that. Paul loved his friends so much that he was willing to be eternally separated from God if it would save his friends.

What a love.

And to think that God loves me even more than that.

Seek the LORD

When I begin to feel overwhelmed by my sin, I MUST remember to run to the Lord first and foremost.

This past week, my passion for God was gone, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to serve Him anymore. Doubts of salvation began to creep in and I wondered where God had gone in all of this. I felt like I was doing everything right. Obviously, I had missed the most important part.

I didn't run to the Lord first.

I suffered the consequences until, after many hours of counseling, I finally gave up trying to fix my problems in my own strength, and ran to God as a helpless child, seeking Him and only Him, knowing that "it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." ~ Philippians 2:13

I began a word study on "seek" (the reason behind that being a very godly friend of mine told me I had to seek God in this, that seeking God was the only thing I could do). So I flipped to the back of my Bible, thumbed down to "seek", and looked at the first entry: 1 Chronicles 28:9. To be perfectly honest, I almost skipped this first one to go on to the passages in Psalms, but I'm SO glad I didn't, for I would have missed a very important lesson

"'And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches ALL hearts and understands EVERY plan and thought. If you seek him, he WILL be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will cast you off forever. Be careful now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary; be strong and do it.'...Then David said to Solomon his son, 'Be strong and courageous and do it. Do NOT be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the LORD God, even my God, is with you. He will NOT leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the LORD is finished.'" ~ 1 Chronicles 28: 9-10, 20

Just reading through this passage and understanding the context and history behind it opened my eyes to a wonderful, new love for God. David is telling Solomon about how to serve God in the mission that God had given to him (building the temple). David's words of wisdom to his son were to know God, to serve God, to seek God, to trust God.

How wonderful it is to know that I serve a God who is trustworthy. I know that God was faithful to David and Solomon. I know He was faithful to Abraham by providing him with a son. I know He was faithful to the Israelites by bringing them safely out of Egypt.

I also know that my God never changes.

The God that was faithful 2,000 years ago, is the exact same God I serve today. I know and trust that He will be faithful to me. In fact, He already has. He has given me an undeniable passion for Him. He is showing me that He is at work in my life. He has given me an opportunity to share the gospel to an unbeliever. What did I do to deserve His great love? All I can do is sit back in awe of the mighty God I serve.