The past two weeks of my life could be described as hectic, crazy, busy, stressful, scary, emotional, and all around insane. I feel like David facing Goliath- me, such a small insignificant person out to conquer a huge problem that seems impossible. I could bore you with all the details that made these past weeks so crazy, but instead I'll just tell you a few of the many things that have happened:
-3 tests and a speech all in one week
-increased hours at work (twice as much as I normally work)
-homework and studying till 2 or 3 am every night
-three dear friends of mine going to the ER all in one week
I feel like I've been running a marathon. Life and it's business just never seems to end. Being gone from home for 12 straight hours a day is beginning to take it's toll on me. I feel tired, I have no energy, I'm emotionally drained.
Now some may see this and think "Wow, she's at a really low point in life right now." And honestly, if it weren't for God, that statement would be absolutely 100% true. BUT, the wonderful thing is, it's not. In fact, it's the exact opposite.
Looking at my circumstances, the world tells me I "should" be feeling sorry for myself. I "deserve" some me-time. I "should" have a good cry and break down.
A few weeks ago, I realized just how much I let my circumstances rule my emotions. If I didn't get enough sleep, I was grumpy. If I had a test, I was stressed. If I had a hard day at work, I was depressed.
The Truth of the matter, though, is that God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. My stance before Him doesn't change either- he has already forgiven me, and loves me no matter what. That fact alone should rule my emotions! My joy is found in the hope of Christ. The hope that this life is temporal and that I have an eternity in paradise to look forward to. My joy is found from remembering all that God has done for me. Remembering that Jesus DIED for me so that I could live. So am I going to live a life of anger, grumpiness and stress? Absolutely NOT!
Because of God and God alone, I have a ridiculous amount of joy and peace and hope that I just can't explain. The "peace that passes all understanding" is with me. "In [His] presence there is fullness of joy"(Psalm 16:11). "the God of hope [has filled me] with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit [I] may abound in hope" (Romans 15:13). "In all [my] affliction, I am overflowing with joy" (2 Corinthians 7:4). "Though [I] have not seen him, [I] love him. Though [I] do not now see him, [I] believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory" (1 Peter 1:8)
I have so many blessings that I am just completely overwhelmed with thankfulness for. I have the most incredible friends in the entire world. I have a church that preaches the Word of God every Sunday and gives me so many opportunities to minister. And best of all, I have salvation. I have a relationship with the Creator of the Universe. Can it possibly get any better than that? I submit that it cannot.
So all that to say, the "worst" two weeks of my life thus far are actually the best two weeks I have ever had. I've never been closer to God; He is growing me closer to Him, and even though it's painful, it's so beautiful at the same time. God is worthy of my all, and I give my all to Him.
