First of all, I am convinced that worship night tonight was put on for me. Somehow Justin and Kalena picked songs that hit me, convicted me, brought me to a reverent awe and fear of the Lord, and gave me endless and overwhelming joy all at the same time. Now obviously I know it was really Justin and Kalena who picked those songs for me, but God who orchestrated it all.
It was during worship that God revealed to me this life changing thought: True contentment isn't ministering in the "glamourous" ways that I want and finding my satisfaction from the praise of men. True contentment is ministering however God wants, even when it's behind the scenes, even when I will never get praise, even when I want so badly to minister in other ways, but can't.
It's no lie to say that I have certain "dreams" for ministry. I have an idea of the things I would love to do, and it's funny, all of those dreams have me in the front, doing to "fun" ministry jobs, the ones that make ME look spiritual and mature. Now nothing is wrong with doing those kinds of ministry, but what I realized is that I don't always have to be in the front. I don't always get to do what I think is best for me. I need to learn to trust God to provide me with the best ways to minister.
Maybe I'm not supposed to be in front, leading and organizing. Maybe I'm called to mop the floors and wash dishes after a ministry function. Maybe I'm supposed to minister by encouraging those teens that don't have as many friends and don't talk much. Maybe I need to be ok with giving up those dreams that I've held onto for so many years.
I've had a dream for five years now to be involved in a certain ministry, and I haven't had the opportunity to be involved yet. Maybe I need to let go of my dreams, and embrace the plans that my sovereign God has had for me since the beginning of time. Maybe I need to stop wasting my time chasing after selfish ambitions, take some time to seek God's plan for me by searching the Word and spending time talking to Him.
So whoever is reading this, I would appreciate prayer. It's always hard to give up your dreams, believe me, I know. But it's so necessary. God deserves my all, my everything.
I intend to surrender it all to Him.
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